jenn.aguirre

Drained…

Do you ever get that feeling where everything in your life is just too hard to handle?  School has been kicking my ass everyday since the beginning of the semester.  Yeah I drive up and down the freeway every fucking morning to go to school, but to be honest its not as bad as you think.  Yeah I’m tired in the morning, and most of the time I dont like having to wake up super early to go to school, but the drive is nice even with traffic.  I’m a little embarrassed to say, but driving in traffic isnt bad at all.  The drive from home to school and school to home is what I can relaxation.  It’s the only time of the day where I can decompose myself, where I dont have to think about school, or family, or relationship issues.  It’s my time to just drive. And its that simple.

Fucking school is the root of all my stress.  I am at the peak of my program where these classes im taking are essential for me to take my boards exam.  If i dont pass these classes then I cant sit in to take the NCLEX and pass and become a nurse.  I sooooo want this.  I’ve been wanting this all my life.  Ive been wanting this since the day I knew I wanted to be a nurse. 

Family and relationship issues thats a different story.  I just wished that once in my life I can just be a normal 24 year old girl who is going to school and only having to worry about school cuz at this moment thats my main concern.  School. Period. 

I’m in a relationship where I am head over heels in love with this amazing person.  But yet I guess im the root cause of all of our problems.  I have trust issues and im insecure.  I am who I am cuz of my past and believe me or not IVe been dealt really bad cards.

Im just trying to survive these next couple of months.  Once its June and I take my test then Im home free.  But as of right now Im hanging in the balance.  Im barely holding on to that last string and im about to let go.  It’s tough.  I feel like im drowning and i keep swimming up to the surface gasping for air but im getting tired and exhausted to the point where I dont have the energy to keep going back for more aire.  I cant breathe and I there’s no one there to save me.

I’m a complete mess….

i just feel so alone..

iLOVEyou

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there.  To serve some purpose, teach you a lesson or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become.  You never know who these people may be but when you lock eyes with them you know that very moment they will affect your life in some profound way and sometimes things happen to you at the time that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would never realize your potential strength, will power or heart.  Everything happens for a reason.  Nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck, illness, injury, love, lost moments of greatness, and sheer stupidity… all occur to test the limits of your soul without these small tests life would be like a smoothly, paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. It is safe and comfortable but dull and pointless.  The successes and downfalls that you experience can create who you are and the bad experiences you can learn from.  If someone hurts, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them because they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart to.  If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally not only because they love you, but because they are teaching you to love and open your hear and eyes to little things.  Make everyday count.  Appreciate every moment and take from it everything you can possible can because you may never be able to experience it again.  Talk to people and actually listen.  Let yourself fall in love, break free and set your sights high.  Hold your head up because you have every right to.  Believe in you, because you can make of your life anything you wish.  Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets, and most importantly, if you love someone tell them because you never know what tomorrow will have in store for you.